“I think,” she pursed her lips and turned her head. “I think you know what God is asking you to do Madison,” my roommate gently spoke.
And she was right. I did know. In fact, I think I had known for a while. But, I was willfully walking in disobedience, out of fear, hesitancy, and even pride.
Sometimes it is easier to ignore our trials than face them and to run back to how things were. I am not ashamed to admit that because I think that vulnerability breeds vulnerability and conviction breeds conviction. And if I have been anything recently it has been convicted.
It’s a long story that maybe one day I will fully share in colorful detail but for right now is sitting close to my heart and at the foot of the cross. Let’s just say after I wrote that article, only two weeks ago, the Lord responded so strongly and mightily that it brings me to tears just to think of His bountiful goodness and generosity. I know I am being rather vague, but here is a summary of what the Lord has done:
If you read my first article you know that God answered a prayer with a person in my path that reminded me of every reason I contemplated the faith to begin with. But what followed that was the above conversation with my roommate- my very Protestant very charismatic roommate. One I thought would tell me I was being misled or perhaps think I was crazy, instead sat across from me as I cried on her bedroom floor and told me that the Lord was calling me to become Catholic. Yeah. Crazy. She thought so too. “I never thought I would be saying this to anyone,” she began her head shaking to mirror her confusion, “but I think that the Lord is calling you to be Catholic Madison, and I think you know that too.” It was a jaw drop kind of moment for me, one that pierced my heart and left my head spinning.
That was followed by a conversation with another close friend who is just as Protestant, though perhaps less charismatic, who told me the exact same thing. “Yeah Madison, I would have said that same thing.” MIND BLOWN.
And just when I thought that the Lord couldn’t have slapped me in the face more (which funny enough was essentially what I had been praying He would do), HE DID. Two conversations with two very dear Catholic friends of mine (one of them is probably reading this right now and here is a reminder that I love you so much!) convicted me to the point of tears again (if you are under the impression I cry frequently I am here to tell you this is actually rather rare for me and just another sign of how much the Lord is working).
In the past week I realized that the Protestant small group I had been trying so hard to plug back into wasn’t working with my schedule this year. In fact, I had only been able to go to it twice. I sent a text on Tuesday to tell them I would no longer be able to participate in the Bible study. That same day I got invited to go to a Catholic Bible study on Thursday.
I went and the Lord answered in abundance, speaking piercingly into my heart. Once again, I was left wildly convicted.
A day later I reached out to one of the FOCUS missionaries to do OCIA with her.
Yeah. God is pretty cool.
…
I wasn’t going to write about all this, in fact I was going to tuck it away in my heart and wait a few weeks or perhaps months to let it sit in the soil of my soul like a newly planted seed becoming a sapling. But, I realized that I simply couldn’t just keep this seed of mine a secret. Not when I know how many prayers you all have been praying for me and how much you have supported me.
I realized recently my hesitancy in sharing what the Lord has been doing in my heart with the people around me hasn’t been from a place of shame but a place of protection. I am still a young sapling grappling with this new world the Lord is calling me into, and I am so deeply afraid someone is going to crush me before I bloom.
But, there is bountiful grace is obedience and I know the Lord is not calling me somewhere just to see me fail and be trampled upon. I have not the singlest doubt that the Lord’s gentleness and kindness has been in so many ways a result of the prayers of the people in this small substack community. Thank you all truly.
As many Catholics like to say, "Welcome Home".
In my own conversion, I was surprised by how I had no roadblocks at all from family or friends. Christians have a keen eye for the work of the Holy Spirit. I'm glad your protestant friends could recognize His hand leading you!
Hello there - no idea how I came across your Substack. Coincidentally, I’m a neighbor. By that I mean, I can hear the bell tower of your school from my back deck. I share that just to say, I know the setting you live in during this process. I’ve gone through a somewhat similar conversion experience, and it’s confusing, and tough, and good Christian people can make you feel like such an outcast. I’d just encourage you keep saying yes to the Lord. Sometimes it’s horrifying, but He’s always with you, and He’s worth it.