Loved reading this. I grew up a lukewarm Catholic and inevitably faded away in college. Started going to a non denominational church while living with my fiancé at the time and fell in love with Jesus. Spent the last 7 months of our engagement abstaining for marriage. Our wedding night comes finally and we contracepted. After a long wait what I thought would be a joyous night left me wrecked from the Holy Spirit. It seemed too obvious in that moment that despite speaking my vows to take my wife fully my embodied vows said I take my wife but not with the possibility of children right now. A curiosity towards what I didn’t listen to as a child, a kind priest, lots of reading of Christopher West’s work, some tough confessions, the prayers of the Virgin Mary, a con-validation ceremony, and a patient wife who grew up Lutheran I find myself 2 years later going to daily mass most days. It is a tough journey but is definitely worth it. Prayers your way!
if no one has recommended it yet, I would highly suggest reading “Adam and Eve After the Pill”, which lays out societal consequences of chemical bc. Lovely essay—keep up the good work and good luck in your explorations.
It is such a challenging topic, for many, many reasons. I believe passionately in the sanctity and DIGNITY of ALL life. In this world, as it is right now, I don't believe that we are living with respect to the dignity of life, the dignity of children, women and also the dignity of men. I agree that it's a slippery slope to a self-fufilling prophecy but we all find ourselves at the bottom of that slope now whether we want to be there or not. If we cannot sustain all people to live with dignity then we have to ask if the sanctity of life is of higher importance than the dignity of it.
I guess I have a somewhat unique perspective. I am the oldest daughter of six siblings. My parents believed in letting God determine the size of their family, that they were open to life. I respect and understand the choices they made, but the consequences for me are that I feel as though I have been mothering for my entire life. The burden of being an oldest daughter in a large family is heavy and while it has made me who I am, it is not without its consequences.
I am also a mother, of one child. I chose to stop. The choices that we make as parents have consequences for our children. These are both positive and negative just like everything in life is.
If this was Centuries ago I might have chosen to enter a convent as a young woman instead of marrying and becoming a mother to my own child, due to already being exhausted by mothering before I had even given birth myself. Or perhaps I would have been a spinster. I wouldn't give up the joy of my marriage and being a mother for anything, but I am so very grateful that I can choose the path of enough and not too much.
I am certainly NOT saying that I am right. I am saying that it is very complicated.
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this. I think there are many important things to consider with any family, especially what they think will be ultimately best for their family. I am young and unmarried so I certainly will never claim to know all or be absolutely correct. But I do want to acknowledge that I understand the complexities that surround this issue and I’m certainly not making a decree or definitive statement for all. Thank you for sharing💗
I thought your essay was lovely and thought-provoking. I very deeply respect the work of those called to have large families. Marriage and parenting are some of the most challenging things we undertake in this life, but also the most rewarding in a real sense. Coming in to this phase of life with a realistic acceptance of how things will be is a gift. I love to see perspectives of younger people that are nuanced and seeking for understanding. You have done well!
Your comment makes me remember that parents need to be careful not to put an undue burden on their children in this respect. Just yesterday I was thinking about how the oldest daughter “mothering” too much can sometimes steal that biological urge to even have children yourself, which I find kinda sad. I know of several cases like this.
As an oldest daughter with an oldest daughter, this can be tricky. My oldest daughter thinks she can mother better than I can, thinks I'm being irresponsible if I don't immediately tend to a fussing child, etc. I am mindful of not putting too much of a burden on her shoulders, but sometimes (often) she takes that responsibility for herself over me telling her not to!
I can completely relate to your experience! Thanks for sharing. I have been researching how to talk to my own 3 daughters about biblical sexuality and Christopher West’s “Our Bodies Tell God’s Story” has been a life-changing perspective shift for me (raised in a Protestant church). I too am very interested in Catholicism but my husband and kids are very resistant and I pray that God will show me the way forward. I don’t know who said it, but I heard somewhere that the end result of the Protestant reformation would be that every man becomes his own church; I think that prophecy has clearly been vindicated.
Praying for graces for you and your family. Be not afraid. God will be with you and as your family sees you filled with joy in discovering the fullness of faith that only The Catholic Church provides, it will influence them.
May the Lord grant you peace and joy as you find your way home.
Love that more and more Christians are digging into this topic! One small note of clarification: the Orthodox Church also did not embrace birth control in the 60s (not just Roman Catholics).
Oh! If you have a chance to visit a Divine Liturgy somewhere near you, I think you would love it (from whay you have shared in other posts!). The Orthodox still serve the Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom and it is a beautiful experience of heavenly worship.
“Since a week ago last Saturday, we can no longer expect them to defend the law of God. These sects will work out the very logic of their ways, and in 50 or 100 years there will be only the Catholic Church and paganism. We will be left to fight the battle alone, and we will." — Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen, quoted in The Birth Control Review, May 1931, volume XV, no. 5., pp. 143-144.
Reaction to the report of the Federal Council of Churches in America which, in March 1931, "endorsed 'the careful and restrained use of contraceptives by married people,' while at the same time conceding that 'serious evils, such as extramarital sex relations, may be increased by general knowledge of contraceptives.'"
My wife and I converted in 2023. I had similar thoughts as I discovered how Protestants had dropped the ball on abortion, and not in some far off corner of evangelicalism kind of way. Prominent Protestants, some of which I studied under, defended abortion early on. When I started learning about IVF, and began talking to Protestant friends, that too was an eye opener.
But it was ultimately God who led us into the Church. It has been the best decision of my life. May God lead you into his church. It is where the fight is, where Jesus is, and it’s where we belong. God bless.
Loved reading this. I grew up a lukewarm Catholic and inevitably faded away in college. Started going to a non denominational church while living with my fiancé at the time and fell in love with Jesus. Spent the last 7 months of our engagement abstaining for marriage. Our wedding night comes finally and we contracepted. After a long wait what I thought would be a joyous night left me wrecked from the Holy Spirit. It seemed too obvious in that moment that despite speaking my vows to take my wife fully my embodied vows said I take my wife but not with the possibility of children right now. A curiosity towards what I didn’t listen to as a child, a kind priest, lots of reading of Christopher West’s work, some tough confessions, the prayers of the Virgin Mary, a con-validation ceremony, and a patient wife who grew up Lutheran I find myself 2 years later going to daily mass most days. It is a tough journey but is definitely worth it. Prayers your way!
All of what you write, is right on!
Cradle Catholic here
MA + in Theology
faithful Catholic all my life long
been through the 60s&70s sexual/feminist revolution
seen first-hand its effects
been teaching Catholic Faith on and off these last 50 years
and feel the "contraceptive mentality" is at the root of the moral ills we see today
God bless you in your search for the fullness of Truth...but l think you know you're already home✨
The Catholic Church’s teaching on marriage and the family is a big part of what keeps me Catholic.
You should check out JP2’s Theology of the Body and the ToB Institute run by Christopher West
if no one has recommended it yet, I would highly suggest reading “Adam and Eve After the Pill”, which lays out societal consequences of chemical bc. Lovely essay—keep up the good work and good luck in your explorations.
It is such a challenging topic, for many, many reasons. I believe passionately in the sanctity and DIGNITY of ALL life. In this world, as it is right now, I don't believe that we are living with respect to the dignity of life, the dignity of children, women and also the dignity of men. I agree that it's a slippery slope to a self-fufilling prophecy but we all find ourselves at the bottom of that slope now whether we want to be there or not. If we cannot sustain all people to live with dignity then we have to ask if the sanctity of life is of higher importance than the dignity of it.
I guess I have a somewhat unique perspective. I am the oldest daughter of six siblings. My parents believed in letting God determine the size of their family, that they were open to life. I respect and understand the choices they made, but the consequences for me are that I feel as though I have been mothering for my entire life. The burden of being an oldest daughter in a large family is heavy and while it has made me who I am, it is not without its consequences.
I am also a mother, of one child. I chose to stop. The choices that we make as parents have consequences for our children. These are both positive and negative just like everything in life is.
If this was Centuries ago I might have chosen to enter a convent as a young woman instead of marrying and becoming a mother to my own child, due to already being exhausted by mothering before I had even given birth myself. Or perhaps I would have been a spinster. I wouldn't give up the joy of my marriage and being a mother for anything, but I am so very grateful that I can choose the path of enough and not too much.
I am certainly NOT saying that I am right. I am saying that it is very complicated.
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this. I think there are many important things to consider with any family, especially what they think will be ultimately best for their family. I am young and unmarried so I certainly will never claim to know all or be absolutely correct. But I do want to acknowledge that I understand the complexities that surround this issue and I’m certainly not making a decree or definitive statement for all. Thank you for sharing💗
I thought your essay was lovely and thought-provoking. I very deeply respect the work of those called to have large families. Marriage and parenting are some of the most challenging things we undertake in this life, but also the most rewarding in a real sense. Coming in to this phase of life with a realistic acceptance of how things will be is a gift. I love to see perspectives of younger people that are nuanced and seeking for understanding. You have done well!
Your comment makes me remember that parents need to be careful not to put an undue burden on their children in this respect. Just yesterday I was thinking about how the oldest daughter “mothering” too much can sometimes steal that biological urge to even have children yourself, which I find kinda sad. I know of several cases like this.
As an oldest daughter with an oldest daughter, this can be tricky. My oldest daughter thinks she can mother better than I can, thinks I'm being irresponsible if I don't immediately tend to a fussing child, etc. I am mindful of not putting too much of a burden on her shoulders, but sometimes (often) she takes that responsibility for herself over me telling her not to!
I can completely relate to your experience! Thanks for sharing. I have been researching how to talk to my own 3 daughters about biblical sexuality and Christopher West’s “Our Bodies Tell God’s Story” has been a life-changing perspective shift for me (raised in a Protestant church). I too am very interested in Catholicism but my husband and kids are very resistant and I pray that God will show me the way forward. I don’t know who said it, but I heard somewhere that the end result of the Protestant reformation would be that every man becomes his own church; I think that prophecy has clearly been vindicated.
Praying for graces for you and your family. Be not afraid. God will be with you and as your family sees you filled with joy in discovering the fullness of faith that only The Catholic Church provides, it will influence them.
May the Lord grant you peace and joy as you find your way home.
Beautiful. I loved this! I am a Catholic convert and it has been the greatest grace in my life.
Love that more and more Christians are digging into this topic! One small note of clarification: the Orthodox Church also did not embrace birth control in the 60s (not just Roman Catholics).
Thank you for the clarification!! I am not super familiar with the Orthodox Church and didn’t know that!
Oh! If you have a chance to visit a Divine Liturgy somewhere near you, I think you would love it (from whay you have shared in other posts!). The Orthodox still serve the Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom and it is a beautiful experience of heavenly worship.
Oooh I will be sure to look into that!!
I’m also here for NFP being the gateway! For me it was a combo of Anglicanism and NFP!
May the Lord bless you and guide you always
“Since a week ago last Saturday, we can no longer expect them to defend the law of God. These sects will work out the very logic of their ways, and in 50 or 100 years there will be only the Catholic Church and paganism. We will be left to fight the battle alone, and we will." — Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen, quoted in The Birth Control Review, May 1931, volume XV, no. 5., pp. 143-144.
Reaction to the report of the Federal Council of Churches in America which, in March 1931, "endorsed 'the careful and restrained use of contraceptives by married people,' while at the same time conceding that 'serious evils, such as extramarital sex relations, may be increased by general knowledge of contraceptives.'"
My wife and I converted in 2023. I had similar thoughts as I discovered how Protestants had dropped the ball on abortion, and not in some far off corner of evangelicalism kind of way. Prominent Protestants, some of which I studied under, defended abortion early on. When I started learning about IVF, and began talking to Protestant friends, that too was an eye opener.
But it was ultimately God who led us into the Church. It has been the best decision of my life. May God lead you into his church. It is where the fight is, where Jesus is, and it’s where we belong. God bless.
Praying for you on your journey.
May I humbly suggest you check out Joe Heschmeyer's YouTube channel? Here's a good one on authority. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2djx9lESGgA
Even more humbly, maybe take a peak at my Substack.
Thank you! I am wholeheartedly grateful for the prayers!
It’s a rough road to Rome, I’ve been down it myself.
Wow. This is so beautiful. Thank you!
So glad you enjoyed it🫶
This was a great treasure of a post that I happened upon. Thanks so much for sharing.
This was fascinating! The scientific facts that you cited were new to me and so interesting!