Perfect Placement

Finding Familiarity in a Foreign Home

Before I started the journey of learning more about Catholicism, I hardly knew a Catholic soul. Besides a family member who is an Easter-Christmas Catholic and a distant cousin (who I have grown incredibly close to recently) who lives over 9 hours away, I knew no Catholics. At home, all my friends were Protestants as well as my immediate family. To become Catholic would be to leave everyone behind.

However, this past year at college (my freshman year) a strange thing happened. One of my best friends this year, J, turned out to be Catholic. In my sorority, I was given a ‘twin,’¹ a girl I quickly came to adore, who I later found out was Catholic. My sorority chaplain, a young woman who offers prayer and devotionals over the sorority and helps organize Bible Studies, was immensely on fire for Jesus. She is the kind of person who talks about the Lord and has to pause because she is on the verge of joyful tears at His love. Then, I found out she too was Catholic.

None of them ever talked to me about being Catholic, but we did talk about Jesus and how much we love him. J and I attended worship nights together on Mondays and went on long walks on a local trail talking about our faith. My twin, my Big, and I would go to lunch and update one another on how God was working in our lives and prayer requests. And while I didn’t know my sorority chaplain well, she was best friends with one of my close friends who is a few years older than me. I watched her from afar in chapter meetings when she would talk about Jesus with such fierce passion and all I could think to myself was “She’s Catholic???”

None of these people pressured me to become Catholic, but I did see their beautiful faith in Christ, something I had always been raised to believe was lacking in the Catholic community.

I remember J mentioning she was going to a Catholic student event, and I said that it sounded interesting. She invited me to go. My heart yearned with a mix of diffident curiosity and fearsome longing. Due to being both a Protestant and Christian Ministry major, I felt awkward about showing up despite her reassurance. “No, thank you,” I said, though the words were bitter in my mouth. She later invited me to Mass since I had alluded at some point in interest in going. Again, a quiet longing settled in, followed by embarrassment and denial. While I wanted to go, I was far too nervous and said “No, thank you.”

Throughout the year, the tiny seed of interest in the faith (which if you’ve read some of my other essays you know has been there for many years) slowly grew. Over time, the Lord placed people in my life of the faith though I never considered it or noticed. While I didn’t realize it then, God was moving slowly in the background of my life orchestrating a path for me far beyond what I could see.

Now, as I prepare to go back to school, I find myself in a far different place than the year before. A place where I could never taken these steps because I am no longer going into this empty-handed and alone. I don’t have to fear desiring to attend Mass and sitting alone and in a sea of confusion. I don’t have to worry that no one will understand me or everyone will condemn me for my decision. While many may not support me, I have people that do. It’s incredible how God placed people in my life to support me on this journey before I had ever truly stepped foot on it.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit I am still wildly nervous about this school year. There are many difficult things to navigate such as “Do I continue to attend the Bible study I plugged into last year?" and “How do I tell the leader of my campus mission cadre I am considering becoming Catholic?” There are friends who will have a lot of questions (thank you to everyone who has so kindly reminded me that I do not owe anyone answers) that I have no interest in debating at this time.² I also have a healthy desire for privacy while navigating my faith, which is hard at a school where the first question many people ask you at lunch is “What is God teaching you right now?” (Not that I do not love this! I am beyond blessed to have a community which asks me these questions, but at this very moment I am not sure that is something I’m ready to bare to people).

Each step forward is nerve-wracking and simultaneously peace-filled.

The other day I made another discovery, one that truly offered me comfort in all this. I’m not sure if I have already mentioned this in an essay, but this semester I am planning on starting OCIA classes (depending on where you live these may be called RCIA) at a local parish near my college. A few weeks ago, I combed through different parish websites looking at how each of them approached the OCIA program, and had settled on one I just had a good feeling about. It was a little further out from campus but I really liked the fact that a Deacon of the church was the one who led the class.³

Recently, I went to look through the website to see if I had remembered correctly it was the one I was interested in. When I did though, I saw the name had changed for who led the class. I decided to scroll to the parish staff page and see if this update was correct. It was then that I saw the name “Dr. [First name] [Last name]” listed alongside a photo by the Adult Formation Director. Something about the name and photo was strangely familiar. That is when it hit me. My eyes flared wide, and I immediately opened my school email and typed in the last name.

The director is one of my professors for next semester. The director of the Catholic classes I will be attending is my professor at a Baptist college. I was shell-shocked and then incredibly relieved. While I haven’t met this particular professor yet, many upperclassman friends have spoken of his kindness. And as someone who admittedly gets a little nervous walking into a room of strangers, what a relief that I will already know someone! Just another person God has placed in my path to ease my journey. When I emailed him about the classes and being in his college class, he greeted me warmly and excitedly.

Conversion at times leaves you on an island of isolation. No one you talk to understands. They haven’t watched the hours of videos or read the dozens of books you have. They will try to debate you on something they don’t even fully grasp and trying to walk them through 3 hours of theology will only make your head spin and your stomach ache, leading you back to alone. They have no interest in the journey and want to yank you right off the path. So, you are often left alone in a foreign land to venture into with constant hurdles and anxieties.

But, just a few people who have ventured the path before, who are willing to hold your hand and take things slow, can make all the difference. Suddenly the foreign land is a little closer to home and familiar than when you first arrived. And before you know it, you are building a house and making a way to stay permanently. The people around lifting planks of wood and helping set the nails. What a blessing to have friends to hold my hands along the way!

Just to be clear:

No, I have not 100% decided I want to be Catholic yet. But, I have decided I want to seriously pursue and consider the faith. As always, thank you for your support and prayers! They truly have touched me beyond what words can express.

-Madison

Photo by Austin Curtis on Unsplash

1. For anyone unfamiliar with sorority life (because I was once entirely oblivious to it), when a new member joins a sorority they are given a “Big Sister” often referred to as a “Big.” That girl leads the new member through joining the sorority and continues to be a role model and mentor to the new member throughout their years in the sorority. On rare occasions, when a pledge class of girls has more new recruits than older girls to be a big, an older member will be given two "‘littles” aka little sisters. So, the girls who share a Big Sister are referred to as “twins.” I hope this makes sense, ‘ha.

2. Unfortunately, I may or may not have grown a reputation this past year for enjoying a healthy debate on theology with some friends, haha.

3. I’ve heard from many converts they were poorly catechized.